Despair I and II

Despair

Waking dreams of a future unfinished
potential unrealized
drowning in decay and cynicism
rabid and selfish
holding back the curtain of progress
...promises
what promises?
a past that haunts the living?
a world murdered by its children?
loveless
thoughtless
damaged
betrayed
the beating heart ripped from its chest
unseeing eyes
And the repeated calling of the abyss welcoming you home...

Despair II

You ever try walking across a rainbow?
  --try doing it without feet.

Poetry and Anarchism

"knocked over by the storm
we die in the cages of hatred
the weak throw themselves
on those who are even weaker
and close our mouth with mocking filth

my voice is strangledand the hands of the enemies 
tear my thinking tongue apart.
Pursuers take the resounding present
and living world from me.
where will I feel the flow into airless silence.
I am starving in a decayed placeless mind
cut to pieces earthless.
forced into nothing
drains me
turned to ice
empties from the mouth
into world growing pain."

--Carl Einstein, German Anarchist and distant relation to Physicist Albert Einstein. Participant in the soldier and worker councils following the German defeat of WW1 and the Spartacist uprising (where he gave euology at Rosa Luxembourg's funeral). Wounded fighting in the Durruti Column with the CNT-FAI in Spain and later fled following the victory of the fascists. Trapped in southern France following Nazi Germany's defeat of the French Third Republic, Einstein took his own life by jumping from a bridge on 5 July 1940.

Review: Resurrection

Resurrection by Leo Tolstoy
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

This book was utterly amazing. In my opinion, one of the finest pieces of Russian fiction I have ever read and definitely my favorite Tolstoy story I have read so far. It depicts a Russian noble's attempt at redemption and is indictment of the state, prison system, the police, the Russian Church, land ownership, and capitalism.

"Having captured hundreds who were evidently guiltless and who could not be dangerous, the Government kept them in prison for years, where they became consumptive, went out of their minds, or committed suicide; keeping them only because the officials had no inducement to set them free, but thought that safe in prison they might possibly be of use to elucidate some question at a judicial inquiry"


Im not even sure how Tolstoy was able to get this book past the tsar's censors, because its brutal attacks on state institutions barely holds any punches (except maybe against the tsar personally, but even then is pretty openly hostile to the state and authority).


The other main character in the story is a sex worker who becomes politicized in prison by revolutionaries. Maslova's relationship with the political prisoners opens the door to some amazing conversations and depictions of the different viewpoints of anarchists and socialists at the time as to the reorganization of life, while also being a view into the utter degradation of prison life.
The book doesn't have a perfect view of sex work, but what it does is preserve the humanity of the sex worker in a way that most 2nd wave feminists cannot even manage.

"And what seemed most surprising was that all this was not being done accidentally, nor by mistake, nor only once, but had been done continuously for centuries, with only this difference, that at first people's nostrils used to be slit and their ears cropped; then a time came when they were branded and fastened to iron bars; and now they were manacled, and transported by steam instead of on carts
The arguments brought forward by those in Government service who said that the things which aroused his indignation were simply due to the imperfect arrangements of the places of confinement, and that they would all be put to rights if prisons of a modern type were built did not satisfy Nekhlyudov, because he knew that what revolted him was not a consequence of a better or worse arrangement of prisons. He had read of model prisons with electric bells, of executions by electricity as recommended by Tarde, and this refined violence revolted him yet more"

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I Just Beat Knights of the Old Republic II

I know its a little late to be playing this... like a decade late. But I saw it for $3.50 on steam and figured why not. So here is my review. I really liked this game. The graphics are obviously a bit dated, but it has such a cool atmosphere and story that its easy to overlook.  Where this game shines is in your ability to make decisions that either are associated with light side, dark side, or skirt both.

A number of characters fit basic star wars tropes but have a lot more depth to them.  My favorite character in this story by far is the mysterious Kreia.  She is beautifully voice acted and her actions and motivations keep you guessing through the very end.  She reminds me of the Bene Gesserit from Dune (the original Jedi) and this is an utterly perfect representation of the much more fluid essence of the force than a yin yang (dark/light).

What I also appreciate about KOTOR is that it is so much darker than many of the movies (empire strikes back and Rogue 1 being in a similar vein.)  The temptations of the dark side are strong as taking ruthless action sometimes seems the best choice in a perilous situation, but can have long term consequences.  I definitely recommend it.  Still quite fun!

Spoilers:




My favorite scenes for those who have played it include the battle on Dantooine,  the "OH SHIT! A FUCKING JEDI!" moment when you make mince meat out of hundreds of bounty hunters in a cantina, the feeling of finally growing into force powers/light saber and feeling a sense of newfound power compared to your enemies.